Sunday, February 24, 2013

My First Thoughts

The day of Saturday General Conference I was scheduled to work. I was scheduled to work last semester and went back later and read it. Not the same, but it worked. So I figured I would be fine. I was supposed to work 30 minutes after Conference started. So instead of watching part of Conference I decided to go into work early and get some stuff done. When I was leaving I heard Conference starting and had a feeling to stay. I decided to test the Lord. I told him I would stay if I could hear something that I needed to hear. So I stayed. The first talk was the Welcome to Conference by our beloved prophet Thomas S. Monson. And I heard exactly what I needed to hear in that simple opening of Conference.
I knew that I wanted to go on a mission. I have known since I was a little girl. But I didn't know if I would get to the age of 21 and have the opportunity to go. I knew if I was 21 and unmarried I would for sure go. So when the opportunity to go presented itself early, I was unprepared with an answer. I needed to know for sure that I was supposed to go. And that I was ready to go. One specific experience that I had had earlier made me realize that I was ready.
I was miserable my first night at Snow College. Not only had I never been away from my family, and was for the very first time, but I didn't know any of my roommates, I had gotten in an argument with my friends earlier, I didn't know anyone, I was in a new city I had never been to, I went to campus and couldn't find any of my classes, just everything was adding up not how I wanted. I couldn't get anything straight. I was so uncertain and felt so alone. The only thing I was certain of was that my Heavenly Father would listen if I knelt down in prayer. So I did just that. I tested my Savior again. I told him that I didn't want to be here. I wanted to go home so badly. But I also said, I will stick it out that night and try hard the next day. I told him that if things didn't go right, I would know I needed to go home. So the next day I tried. I went to campus and ran into President Wyatt (The President of Snow College) who helped me find all my classes. I went home and really got along with my roommates. They were very welcoming. I also reconnected with my best friends. I still missed my family, but I realized that I can get along without them.
That night I prayed to my Heavenly Father. I thanked him for helping me realize I needed to stay. I didn't know why, but the longer I go along, the longer I realize. I learned a lot about myself, about others, about everything. I needed to be away to be on my own in a new city. I needed to learn to live with new people I had never met before, people I may not have much in common. I needed to learn to work things out with my best friend instead of holding grudges. I needed to live in a new city with new people. I needed to learn that reading my scriptures is more worth it than not. I needed to learn to go to church and firesides because I want to, not because I have to. I needed to meet new people who teach me everyday to be happy. I needed to get my church calling as a relief society teacher to learn how to best teach. I needed to be away from my family to learn patience. I needed all these things to prepare me for my mission. So, although I did not know this at the time, I needed to stay at college for me. I am beyond happy that I trusted in the Lord enough to stay.
Looking back on this I realized that, even though my mission will be hard, I know that I can do it!
The last thing I was a little worried about was if I knew enough about the gospel to be able to teach and share. I worried that someone would ask me a question I wouldn't be able to answer. I emailed my brother on a mission and asked him just that. He basically said, you know enough! You don't know everything, you won't ever know everything, but you know enough. Your testimony is what is most important. That is what people listen to. Share your testimony and the Holy Ghost will cover the rest.
So after these three things, I knew with a surety that I needed to go and that I could go. After finishing all my paperwork and interviews, I now have my papers in. I can't wait to get my call in two weeks! This is definitely the most exciting time of my life!"general-conference")

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